7 years...seems like yesterday you were running around my office...and another year that my Dad will celebrate his birthday in Heaven...sure hope you two have bumped into each other...LOVE and MISS YOU BOTH...
Everyday in some small way Memories of you come my way. Though absent, you are always near Still missed, loved and always dear.
It's been another year and it's safe to say, I still think about you everyday, I might not hope or even pray I just love and miss you in my own special way.
It's funny how this all works. Of course you dying had a great impact on myself, and everyone else who knew you. That much was anticipated. What was less obvious though was the ways in which that impact manifests itself. Every now and then I recognize aspects of my worldview that must have been informed by either your life or your death. It isn't always clear at first, but over time it sort of dawns on me. I ask myself "Why do I think this? Why am I so certain that life is this or that way?" and only after asking the question does it become evident that the answer is "Paul." Your life and your death have been greatly formative. This sounds morbid at first, but perhaps some beautiful things are also distressing. I am primed and poised to do some real things with my life and career. This is a consequence of my own hard work, but the drive required to do that work came from you passing. I'd trade it, though. Wish you were here.
I've been to so many graduations this month but all I can think of is YOU...the last time I talked, laughed, joked and hugged you...know that you are still very much loved and missed PJ...
There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...
I miss you. I miss our family. I miss my cousins and aunts and uncles so badly. It hurts more than I can tolerate and I dream about it sometimes. It's easy to want to escape. It kills me that I never got to know you the way I should have and it makes it worse that I have no relationship with your sisters. I hope you know I'll always love you. I'll never forget you. I'll always have room in my heart for our family.
"My friend just died. I don't know what to do," a young man said to gentleman he knew.
His reply:
I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.
I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.
If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Well, woke up this morning smelling orange blossoms. Just a reminder that you're with your G'pa Phillips enjoying your eternal life! Missing you here, but KNOW you're safe and sound! Thank you for reminding me! Love you always!
I am thinking of you PJ on this Memorial Day Weekend, and I believe this prayer speaks volumes as to how I remember your sweet spirit:
I give you this one thought to keep. I am with you still I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the sweet uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not think of me as gone. I am with you still in each new dawn. Author: Massai Cheis
Grandma has joined you. She loved her two Pauls so much. I can't believe all the people who have passed over in the past 10 years. It's pretty lonely without all of you.
I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new I thought about you yesterday and days before that too, I think of you in silence ...I often speak your name All I have are memories and your picture in a frame Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realise that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right." A.A. MILNE
A COVID Halloween. How would you be celebrating. We’re listening to Ghostbusters, thinking of you, handing out candy bags while social distancing. Miss You, Love You!
Some have reported issues publishing comments--if you are using a mobile device try a regular web browser on a PC or Mac and see if that works for you.
You never knew Daisy Mae, but what a great basset she was! Hope you are now playing with her as she joined you last night. What a bunch of hounds you've got - Cheyenne de la Siesta, Penelope Primrose, Dixie Rose and now Miss Daisy. Love you!
Paul Francis Mudd Jr, PJ to some, would have been 40 today. Hard to believe and boy would we be celebrating. PJ was born on the same day and at the same time that Mary Lou Retton scored a 10 on the Vault in the 1984 Olympics. Today we are only celebrating who he was and what he meant to us because, as one of his sister’s lovingly said, “he was an idiot and died.” We love you and miss you so very much. Even if you were an idiot!
111 comments:
New blog post for 2014 comments, starting with the 7th anniversary of PJ's passing ...
7 years, 7 LONG years, 7 years that have passed since you made us laugh! Love you.
7 years...seems like yesterday you were running around my office...and another year that my Dad will celebrate his birthday in Heaven...sure hope you two have bumped into each other...LOVE and MISS YOU BOTH...
Everyday in some small way
Memories of you come my way.
Though absent, you are always near
Still missed, loved and always dear.
It's been another year and it's safe to say,
I still think about you everyday,
I might not hope or even pray
I just love and miss you in my own special way.
Had a great time on your behalf tonite. Hope you were there with us!
Some days are harder than others. But, I miss you every day.
another sad day
graduations, birthdays, retirements, weddings...are you getting all this?!?
I miss you a lot...
There are so many things I wish you were here to see and experience with me.
7 years is such a long time, but sometimes it feels just like yesterday that you were gone. I miss you. Are you still coming around?
Love you
You seem to be hanging around, yes?
Party at your Papa's house...see you there on August 3!!!
Wow, 30 years ago we were waiting and waiting and waiting for you!! How can that be???
Love you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PJ!!!
Happy Birthday, Dear PJ, Happy Birthday to You!
Miss you
Hope you are watching, enjoying and looking forward to next april and may, like the rest of us are!!
just love and miss you
What if?
just missing you, as always
Love you.
ajo als, seems a long time ago
Are you there
You are evrywhere the past few days
missing you, as always, can you see my tears falling
Another year of countdowns and it gents worse wit each passing year. Missing you and loving you.
We ate and laughed, remembered and shared - we all love you!
Thanks Cuz for your help in keeping me here to see another day... March sure is the month for Memories
been missing you so much
It's funny how this all works. Of course you dying had a great impact on myself, and everyone else who knew you. That much was anticipated. What was less obvious though was the ways in which that impact manifests itself. Every now and then I recognize aspects of my worldview that must have been informed by either your life or your death. It isn't always clear at first, but over time it sort of dawns on me. I ask myself "Why do I think this? Why am I so certain that life is this or that way?" and only after asking the question does it become evident that the answer is "Paul." Your life and your death have been greatly formative. This sounds morbid at first, but perhaps some beautiful things are also distressing. I am primed and poised to do some real things with my life and career. This is a consequence of my own hard work, but the drive required to do that work came from you passing. I'd trade it, though. Wish you were here.
I've been to so many graduations this month but all I can think of is YOU...the last time I talked, laughed, joked and hugged you...know that you are still very much loved and missed PJ...
I still can't understand why you are gone...so many losses this week reminds me you are not coming back home
There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...
happy day to you dear PJ
I heard the songs, even if no one else did...thanks for joining us:-) Love you.
Love you Mr peed..... If they have to ask why , they just don't know.
I miss you. I miss our family. I miss my cousins and aunts and uncles so badly. It hurts more than I can tolerate and I dream about it sometimes. It's easy to want to escape. It kills me that I never got to know you the way I should have and it makes it worse that I have no relationship with your sisters. I hope you know I'll always love you. I'll never forget you. I'll always have room in my heart for our family.
"My friend just died. I don't know what to do," a young man said to gentleman he knew.
His reply:
I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.
I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.
Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.
If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
missing you and your dumb jokes
Missing you and just so sad
Happy New Year..another one without you!
missing you...hearing your favorite songs
Hey, you, quit being the big L, you know what I mean, and help your sisters out down here...your support and assist would be greatly appreciated!!!!
No, not 9 years...9 years with out you...no way, Jose
hard times, very hard times
Til it happens to you, how do you know how it feels
is that you that keeps closing my car doors?
You keep closing my car door, too! :-)
Hmm, anyone else experiencing strange car door behavior??
Well, you ARE a good excuse to get together for family, food and memories...we miss you always.
Well, woke up this morning smelling orange blossoms. Just a reminder that you're with your G'pa Phillips enjoying your eternal life! Missing you here, but KNOW you're safe and sound! Thank you for reminding me! Love you always!
Missing you...
I am thinking of you PJ on this Memorial Day Weekend, and I believe this prayer speaks volumes as to how I remember your sweet spirit:
I give you this one thought to keep.
I am with you still I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone.
I am with you still in each new dawn.
Author: Massai Cheis
Love you!
WE had a great time watching the original Ghostbusters. I could hear your little voice in every phrase!
Missing you!
What are your intentions///
Get ready for some company. Our loss is your gain. :(
Could feel you in the room today.
The 2 Paul Mudds are together again!
Not sure Heaven can handle both Paul Mudds!
Missing you , my heart is breaking . A week already :(
Prepping your Party, Pauly. We're gonna party like it's 1977! Remember, when you could stay up 'til 3 am...
Hey, PJ, you better come, too.
Is there a blog for Paul Sr. ?
Grandma has joined you. She loved her two Pauls so much. I can't believe all the people who have passed over in the past 10 years. It's pretty lonely without all of you.
I thought of you with love today
but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too,
I think of you in silence
...I often speak your name
All I have are memories
and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake
with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping
I have you in my heart.
Happy Birthday PJ!!! Love and miss you...
Hope you are enjoying your birthday. You have quite a crew with you now! Love you!!
Missing my two pauls
some days are still just unbearable
well, now this is back and working
Each day I relive your last. Still miss you so very much.
Those we love don't go away. They walk beside us every day ...
Unseen, unheard, but always near. still loved, still missed and very dear.
Happy almost 34th birthday. Love you.
Happy Heavenly Birthday PJ!!!
Love you.
Thinking of you PJ...
Missing you
Happy Birthday PJ!!!
Happy number 35! Miss you!!!!
Just thinking about you.
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realise that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think
about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Another year and look what a big mess the world is in. Still, thinking of you through it all. Love you and miss you SO much.
Love you, Miss you, Check in now and then - would you??!!
“Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.
There was a pause.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
A.A. MILNE
Missing the Paulz today...not sure why, just because....
Happy 36th Birthday to my boy.
Just remembering sad days of addiction...hurts my heart.
A COVID Halloween. How would you be celebrating. We’re listening to Ghostbusters, thinking of you, handing out candy bags while social distancing. Miss You, Love You!
Merry Christmas PJ! Holidays are never the same without you.
Missing you, as always...holidays were made more fun when you were around!
Happy PJ Day
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Loving you and missing you...the years go by but it never gets any easier...
Test
Fifteen years you've been gone - love and miss you now as much as ever.
Sounds like a song - since you've been gone - hope you know how much you mean to us all!
such a very, very sad day
Merry Christmas - you seem everywhere lately.
Hey tell your dad we miss him, too
Another year :(
Happy Birthday PJ!!!
Happiest of birthdays. Love you my son!
Never forget you, NEVER
It's already 17 years - 17 YEARS - be at peace, my son.
Just crying what more can I say
You never knew Daisy Mae, but what a great basset she was! Hope you are now playing with her as she joined you last night. What a bunch of hounds you've got - Cheyenne de la Siesta, Penelope Primrose, Dixie Rose and now Miss Daisy. Love you!
Happy Heavenly Birthday, PJ!
You are MISSED each
and every day,
for you were
SOMEONE SPECIAL,
who meant more than
words can say.
Paul Francis Mudd Jr, PJ to some, would have been 40 today. Hard to believe and boy would we be celebrating. PJ was born on the same day and at the same time that Mary Lou Retton scored a 10 on the Vault in the 1984 Olympics. Today we are only celebrating who he was and what he meant to us because, as one of his sister’s lovingly said, “he was an idiot and died.” We love you and miss you so very much. Even if you were an idiot!
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